A Day


9-2:30 The girls wake up, have some morning time and begin their lessons. Bronwyn has a final spelling test which she aces (as usual). She then reads about ostriches, beavers, squirrels, and the platypus. She is fascinated by the pictures and because it lays eggs, is not sure why a platypus is a mammal. “It provides milk for its young,” I say, and show her a picture of two red furless platy babies suckling as they are suspended from their mother’s nipple. Bronwyn lets out a big,” EWWWWW,” and I ask,” What’s the problem with that?” Caitlin giggles in the corner as she writes her history paper on the ancient Hebrews. Gregg is painting some closet doors and will go out to do some yard work soon. Bronwyn completes a narration and illustration on her reading and moves on to history and geography. She is ecstatic to learn that during the New Kingdom of Egyptian history the first female Pharaoh, Hatshepsut, took the throne. But she is a little less enamored that Hatshepsut had to don male clothing and a beard to do it. Caitlin voices her anger about the hoops an ancient female Pharaoh went through just to sit on a throne, but I tell her to get back to her biography on Einstein and then write a summary of the chapter naming three things she found interesting or important. I edit Caitlin’s papers and help Bronwyn finish her narration on History. School ends and I consume a lot of soy cheese and rice crackers. I would rather down a loaf of bread.

2:30-3:00 Caitlin hangs with Daddy outside and Bronwyn plays Happy Birthday on the piano. She decides that she is going to pretend she is playing at some bar and asks, “Does anyone out there have a Birthday today?” She makes me yell pretend names and she sings Happy Birthday to every person in the room! I feel like I am losing touch with reality after the 5th person gets sung to.

3:00-4:00 I cut up some cantaloupe and share. I go to the bathroom and wonder if I should change out of my pajamas. I also wonder why my eyebrows are lighter than my hair. Then I wonder if I should get a thyroid test because I am so tired all the time. Then I think,” No, you just have some incurable form of cancer.” Caitlin comes in and asks if she can call Jessie. Bronwyn bursts in, grabs me around the waist and begs, “Play with me.” I protest a little but tell her to go set up her room. “We will play Veterinarian office,” she decides. I tell Caitlin to go in her room to practice violin before she goes to Jessie’s equestrian event tonight. While Bronwyn sets up her room, I talk to Gregg outside laying bricks. We talk about whether we should stay in Vegas or try something new. We hear Heart and Soul and Happy Birthday on the piano. “I am ready,” Bronwyn yells. Caitlin begins scales on her violin.
As Bach’s Double Concerto comes through the bedroom wall, Bronwyn and I transition into our play roles. We play only three things when I am invited into her room: babies, store or veterinarian office. Her play name is always Libby. I on the other hand, have to be different characters that come into her office or store to keep the thing going. Vet's office is played with old medical instruments from my short lived nursing career, a red toy cash register, monopoly money, an old credit card, information forms found in Daddy’s garbage can and every stuffed animal that would possibly come into a vet's office. I come in as my first character, Jane Umbridge. My cat was in for surgery. She has me fill out some forms and pay. ”Are you the Doctor or the office assistant?” I ask. “I’m both,” she says. Her morning robe is her doctor’s coat, hadn’t I noticed??? We go through several other customer scenes and I ask if I can make a cup of peppermint tea. She acquiesces to my request. I return and sit on the bed with my tea ready for the next scene. Bronwyn decides to break character,” Mmmmmm that smells good,” and she pulls my cup to her lips. We continue on with the next poor animal victim, a homeless abandoned puppy with a bruised arm, but Bronwyn keeps breaking character taking sips of tea. Suddenly she says, “I feel like an ice cream bar.” We decide an ice cream break is o.k. at a Vet's office. She eats messily and we return to our play but she now has a thick chocolate outline left on her lips which I decide will give her character some vulnerability. As we discuss a Golden Retriever's heart problems, I hear that Caitlin has abandoned Bach for a little aside to the theme from the Lord of the Rings. I break character, “CAILTIN!” She responds to my prompt with a violin giggle and returns to the Bach double. Back at the vet's office, Vet Libby informs me that my dog needs surgery STAT!!! About one minute later, she reappears with the dog and says,” That’ll be three dollars please.” As I pull the money from my purse, she notices a little chocolate on her hand and excuses herself to wash the blood from surgery off her hand. She returns, and while she is giving me some discharge instructions, I drift a little out of character and listen to Caitlin’s playing and then I wonder if I should have liposuction on my outer thighs or on the skin that hangs over my bra around my arm pits. I am brought back by Dr. Libby saying, "Excuse me, m’am, but I have other customers waiting behind you." as she grabs my cup for another sip. I quickly return to my role and tell her I am paying by debit card and ask when my follow up appointment is. Dr. Libby says Wednesday and then says, “Mom can we stop now?” Caitlin is finished practicing and cleans her room.


430-530: It’s time to get Caitlin ready for the horse event and I make her some brown rice. Bronwyn joins her for a bowl and requests peppermint tea. Caitlin is emotional today and needs lots of hugs. She eats quietly, but Bronwyn has gotten up three or four times to show me her ballet moves and pictures of King Tut and has changed into a new outfit. Gregg returns from brick laying to take Caitlin to the Carder’s. While they are gone, I try to get Bronwyn to lie in bed while I listen to a book on tape and eat some rice but she wants to talk about why Daddy loves working out in the yard so much. I tell her people who sit in front of computers a lot like to know that there are real things to touch, see and smell. Secretly, I think Daddy just likes digging in the earth and would prefer to be a landscaper.

5:46 Gregg tells Bronwyn it is time for a swim. She changes from the leotard to bathing suit and as I type this, I hear them laughing and screaming. I will attempt to go back to my book on tape and see how long it lasts.


8:OO Gregg is cooking some dinner, Bronwyn is reading from her history book about the Hebrews and comes across the story of Moses and out of the blue says,” Daddy, did mommy tell you that Amy’s stripper name is Moses Bush?” I think the day is over now.

What's in a name

In Hollywood the old formula for finding a stage or screen name was to take your middle name as your first name and the name of the first street you lived on as your last name. For example, If I was a screen or stage star back in the day, my autograph would be Christine BuenaVista. Gregg's would read, Thomas Wedikind.

Now on the other hand and much more interesting, if you were a drag-queen, stripper or some other character in the burlesque world, your stage name would be taken from the name of your mother's first pet and her maiden name. I would be Schatze Schubert, and Gregg would be Copper Browne.

What would your names be?

Tell Me What Hurts You

This is an entry in a Brennan Manning devotional that I have been thinking about lately.

An old Hasidic Rabbi, Levi Yitzhak of Berdichev in the Ukraine, used to say that he discovered the meaning of love from a drunken peasant. The Rabbi was visiting the owner of a tavern in the Polish Countryside. As he walked in, he saw two peasants at a table. Both were gloriously in their cups. Arms around each other, they were protesting how much they loved the other. Suddenly Ivan said to Peter, "Peter, tell me what hurts me." Bleary eyed, Peter looked at Ivan. "How do I know what hurts you?" Ivan's answer was swift: "If you don't know what hurts me, how can you say you love me?"

Do you know what made Jesus so loving a person, the greatest lover in history? He knew what hurt us. He knew then and he knows now--the love and hates, hopes and fears, the joys and sadnesses of each of us. This is not pious poetry. The risen Jesus is not a vague figure in outer space. His resurrection did not remove him from us: it simply made it possible for him to touch not Naim but New Orleans, not only Magdalene but me. Christian living makes no sense unless we believe that at this moment, Jesus knows what hurts us. Not only knows but, knowing, seeks us out--whatever our kind of poverty or pain, however we weep, wherever we feel unloved.

These words make me think about how quick I am to say I love this one or that one, when in fact this may really be an affinity to another's personality, talents or benevolence. I think I have more of an affinity for people than I have a knowing love of their hurts. How false it is to say we love each other and yet never study the levels of another's hurt with any real depth or integrity. We would rather eye a brokeness and shun it or fix it with a patch of shallow religious effort, than know someone's inner battles or spiritual struggles. I guess the fear of being fixed by others is what keeps us convinced that we'll be having only Jesus privy to our pain ,thank you very much. And on many levels, I am sure this is the wisest path. This has worked for me. And what really makes me think more deeply and fearfully about these words is when someone knows what hurts you and they inflict that very pain....or remain indifferent to it. I have done this before, have you?

And finally, as I really ponder this devotional insight, I think when I tell Jesus how much I love Him, can I honestly say I know what hurts Him?

My friend


I really love my friend Carolyn, the budnickchick...she gets it.