Dark Night

I had a bad night last night, some call them dark nights of the soul I call them evil. I couldn't fall asleep so I began to pray for a woman undergoing surgery for ovarian cancer that has seeded to her stomach and another woman battling brain cancer. Their stories have touched my life and I was thinking of those who love them and asking the Lord to help them in these trials.

I finally fell asleep, I think, at about 2 am only to wake up at 3am in what I call one of my "episodes." They are really difficult physical and spiritual battles. It feels like there is an electrical current running through my body and I feel like my mind will snap and my thinking is very negative towards my self.

I tried to say the 23rd psalm but I could barely remember it and so, when it is that bad, I just pray, Have mercy on me Jesus. I eventually fell back asleep but had really bad dreams. And then I woke up at 7am.
Strangely enough, when I have bad nights and I finally am able to find refuge in sleep I am awakened by the early sunrise..it is very important for me to know the morning came after the dark night. I think it is similar to God's rainbow.

I have not had a bad night in such a long time and when it came I felt a little abandoned by the Lord. I was at a place where I thought that those nights would be behind me....... thy will be done......But here I am ; it is morning and I know that my Redeemer Liveth--

Those words kept pouring over my mind as I was praying for those women last night. One of them had said that during a time of worship the Lord had given her a vision into the deeper meaning her disease of cancer had for her family and community----I believe that this is the greatest miracle in our trials ...that the Lord himself is our vision and he is present----what a friend he is.

Though I walk ( and we all will walk) through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are WITH me; your rod and staff comfort me.

Jesus is called by God in Matthew; Immanuel...God with us. Though I don't like to be theological because I am so understudied, one teacher struck me when she said that Immanuel is a spiritual concept better described as the "with us of God." Jesus in his coming became and remains the very unique "with us-ness" of the Holy One, we can never be alone again....this concept hits the pavement when you are suffering. The greatest gift the Lord gives is his presence. It is also the greatest gift that people give to each other.

So, to the Great Shepherd I pray for those in the dark night that they will vividly sense in their hearts and minds the" WITH US "of God. Be our vision in all times sweet Jesus. Thank you for the things you choose to bring to us that cause us to see you and you alone.